Thursday, June 7, 2007
COLLIDE-O-SCOPE, part 8: DOCTOR HEDONISM!!
DOCTOR HEDONISM -- leader of H.E.R.P.E.S.
This is Dr. Hayden Dulgent, otherwise known as DOCTOR HEDONISM, de facto leader of the wicked and creepy H.E.R.P.E.S. organization (Hedonistic Empire of Reprobates Perverting Earth's Stability). Hayden was raised in abject poverty and was denied any and all luxuries by his overly-strict and miserly parents. Once he left home, earned his doctorate and began making some real dough, he went completely overboard, pampering and spoiling himself with every pleasurable vice he could conceive of or invent. His growing lusts caused him to run afoul of the law, so he formed his own little empire, which he saddled with the unfortunate name H.E.R.P.E.S., and began calling himself DOCTOR HEDONISM! He began surrounding himself with other like-minded caution-to-the-wind pleasure-seekers who shared his common goal of the pursuit of "happiness", no matter how deviant, perverse or illegal, and heedless of its effect on others. Despite his haggard, withered, gray appearance, DOCTOR HEDONISM has not yet celebrated his 50th birthday. His constant indulgence in all manner of sick and harmful vices has ravaged his body, so he employs a team of physicians whose sole task is to keep his heart beating and to prevent the many diseases he has contracted from snuffing him out entirely, so he can persist in his perverse quest.
DOCTOR HEDONISM must get around with the aid of his "Pleasure Chair" (patent pending), which is custom-built to handle some of his rare needs and desires. It houses ether and oxygen tanks along with respirator mask, interior massage devices, and a swivel monitor which he can use to monitor the feed from his security cameras, or simply view any of his collection of rauchy and/or illegal porno. He loves to dine on endangered animals, and can often be found enjoying panda steaks, horned owl cutlets or cream of snow leopard soup.