Thursday, June 7, 2007

COLLIDE-O-SCOPE part 12: L.I.N.C.O.L.N.!!

L.I.N.C.O.L.N. (Lethally Intelligent Non-Confederate with an Obscenely Large Noggin) -- evil, steam-powered ex-President

The first thing you might notice about this imposing fellow is his enormous head (as tall as a grown man). He can't support the weight of his massive melon on those tiny legs, so his mobility is dependent on his special steam-powered frame constructed from the very wood from balcony state box #7 in which the original Lincoln was assassinated at Ford's Theatre The Civil War-era cannon he keeps housed is his hat is but one of many wicked devices stored there.

L.I.N.C.O.L.N. is a semi-zombified clone of the beloved ex-president (hence his grayish color), and his freakish appearance is the disastrous result of some haywire plot gone wrong. This Lincoln is nasty and generally evil -- he wants to undo all that Original Lincoln accomplished and reduce ALL of humanity to an illiterate, subservient slave race. He also wants a bride, and I'm sure that won't end well! Why clone Original Lincoln, and who would do such a thing? That’s a mystery for now, but who's to say that time travel won't figure into this freakish villain's story during the course of events? Who's to say that Original Lincoln won't travel back in time to help our heroes in COLLIDE-O-SCOPE defeat this affront to nature and history? Not me -- in fact, I think that'd be quite swell!

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